January-February 2025
“Why Is Change So Hard?
by Mindy Sherry, RJE
This is the time of year when we think about what changes we want to make to ourselves. We set resolutions; we talk about losing those 10 pounds we put on from the holidays. We don’t keep the resolutions, and we don’t lose the 10 pounds. Why is change so hard?
Despite its inevitable nature, change can be uncomfortable. We are creatures of habit, and routines offer us a sense of control and stability. The fear of the unknown often makes us resist change, even when it could bring benefits. Psychological concepts like “loss aversion” highlight how people tend to focus more on the pain of giving up the familiar than the potential for new opportunities.
The key to navigating change is reframing it. Instead of fearing what’s to come, we can see change as an opportunity for growth and renewal. One way to overcome the fear of change is to break it down into manageable steps. By setting small, achievable goals, we can build confidence and reduce the overwhelming feelings that large changes can bring. It also helps to remember that change is a process, not an instant transformation.
To embrace change, we must shift our mindset from resistance to acceptance. This means being open to new experiences, trusting in our ability to adapt, and maintaining a flexible outlook. Cultivating resilience, practicing mindfulness, and surrounding ourselves with a supportive community are important strategies for embracing change with grace.
Change is inevitable, and our response to it determines how we experience the transformations in our lives. While change can be challenging, it also holds the potential for growth, new opportunities, and richer experiences. As The Brady Bunch sang “When it’s time to change, then it’s time to change.”
Important Dates:
Tot Shabbat:
- January: 10, 17, 24, 31
- February: 14, 28
Shabbat B’Yachad:
- Jan. 3, Feb. 7
Bet Mitzvah Parent Meeting
- Wednesday, January 29 at 7:00pm (for families with students in grades 5-7)
“When It Comes to Immigration, What Is Normal?”
by Tehilah Eisenstadt
In my grandmother’s family, it was normal for 13-year-old boys to receive a ticket for a boat to the United States for their bar mitzvah gift. It was normal to pack your child off, to a land they never knew, a language and culture that was foreign, in hopes of better survival.
In 2024, Tijuana, a city changed by increased US restrictions and increased numbers of desperate vulnerable people, it is normal for people to be trafficked after making it so far and arriving so close to a more promised land. It is normal for NGO workers like HIAS to have to explain that gender-based violence is not normal, and you deserve support for the mental and physical marks it has left on you. It is normal for these and other NGO workers to teach asylum seekers that waking shaking in the night, that reliving your escape, has a name, and that PTSD is not normal terror they need to accept. There are people who can offer support and coping techniques.
In Tijuana it is normal to pay your last $1000 for a one-way climb up a ladder into the barren land between Tijuana and the US. This is a normal course of action when you fear for your family’s safety, which is what brought you to the border in the first place. It is normal for a sympathetic stranger watching guard at the border to call 911 at least once a night as the drop from hell, into what you were promised would be better, ends with something cracked or burned by the friction of a body sliding down 20-30 feet of metal.
If you make it over the first wall intact, it is normal in the barren lands for strangers to reach through the bars and offer humanity to weary travelers in the form of a stuffed animal for a frightened child, hot cocoa, or water. It is normal to offer a translation in 10+ languages, letting the new visitor know what awaits them. It is normal for ICE to come and shout at children, elderly, for coming here at all, as they pick up weary seekers in vans marked with the phrase “Honor first.” If you are an adult who is not immediately deported, you might be taken to a privately funded detention center like Otay Mesa, where again there are signs, in English only, saying “Heroes work here” and “Respect.” It is normal to have no translations of these ideas because they are not for the visitors, the “detainees” that sometimes walk through doors that say “inmates” though they’ve done nothing illegal.
It is normal for people with power to build corporations to make more money and be part of the story machine that tells you that some of the smartest, most resilient, brave, creative human beings on the planet are drug dealers and traffickers and need to be stopped. It is normal to pour millions and millions of dollars “deterring” individuals and families from fleeing for their lives, and when nothing you do can deter them from seeking safety, to making money off their fear – $10,000 for the ankle bracelet they put on you when they run out of space in detention. It is normal to cause fear in those who live in the country that was designed to be a safe haven for the tired, poor huddled masses. This fear helps keep and build these private prisons in business and keeps some of the smartest, most reliant, brave, creative human beings on the planet from meeting NGOs ready to support their transport and participation in a country they hoped would open their arms as wide as the Statue of Liberty.
For me, a former preschool director, a long-standing anti-trafficking advocate, the mother of a child born thanks to his grandmother’s birth to two Holocaust survivors in a DP camp, and thanks to HIAS’s support of their resettlement in New York, it is normal for me to wonder if I can do anything at all at the border in San Diego or here in NY. My son is called to EET’s Newest New Yorkers program to use his love language (baking the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet) to welcome families like his grandmother’s. In the past I’ve been called to support a 2-year-old in sanctuary, caregivers seeking legal advice for asylum, and to staying informed on “yet another crisis topic.” Except it is not another topic, it is part of my normal life as a Jewish educator, called to work in this world through my Jewish values which include welcoming the stranger, caring for those who are most vulnerable, recognizing that every human is an echo of the Holy One.
The story of US immigration, refugees and asylum seekers has been a story of crisis for decades. Now the story of immigration crisis is normal. But is it the only story we can tell? Is it too overwhelming for us normal, regular, non-legally minded folk to tell different stories? What is our role and what difference can we make? I am dedicated to learning a little more, getting involved a little more, caring a little more about my neighbors, people with stories not dissimilar to my family’s stories. If you feel there’s something I should learn, or if you’d like to be connected to local opportunities to support our Newest New Yorkers, please be in touch.
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November-December 2024
Seeing In The Dark
by Mindy Sherry, RJE
We are finally out of pandemic mode, but the pandemic has left a mark. During the pandemic, we couldn’t go and see people. We forgot what it was like to interact with other people. We got used to being in our own bubble. Now that we are back to something of a normal life, spending time together, gathering for holidays, it appears we have forgotten how to “see” people. We have forgotten what it looks like to see people suffering and struggling. We forgot what it looks like to see people needing help. We have forgotten how to treat people because we don’t really see them. The pandemic gave us tunnel vision and we can’t see beyond that, but I think we can find a way to break out of the tunnel.
The brain is a fascinating organ. It stores information that we didn’t know it was storing. This storage allows us to access information again and do something we haven’t done in a while. Think about riding a bicycle. You may not have been on one in a long time, but our brain remembers how to do it, and we can get right back on anytime like it was yesterday. The same goes for seeing people. We might be out of practice, but our brain remembers how to do this. We just need to exercise that muscle, and it will become like secondhand nature again. Here are some simple “exercises” to practice:
- People are coming from a place of good.
- Instead of yelling, or demanding, ask.
- Ask yourself, what are people not saying?
- Acknowledge people.
- Kindness goes a lot further and usually gets you what you want.
As we head into November and December, we are in the darkest time of year and people have less patience. Holidays like Thanksgiving, Chanukah and the New Year will be here before we know it, which means a lot of family time, or a reminder that we don’t have family. During this darkness we find it even harder to “see” people. We need help, and this is the opportunity for us to be each other’s flashlights. We can be the light that helps us see each other in the dark.
Important upcoming dates:
Back to School nights for Religious School:
- 6th grade: Tuesday, November 12 from 7:00-8:30pm
- 4th & 5th grade: Wednesday, November 13 from 7:00-8:30pm
- Pre-K through 3rd grade: Thursday, November 14 from 6:30-8:00pm
Tot Shabbat at 5:30pm : November 8, 15, 22 ; December 13, 20
Shabbat B’Yachad with pre-neg 5:45pm, services 6:15pm: November 1; December 6
And save the date for our Chanukah Family program on Sunday, December 15 from 3:00-5:00pm.
What Our Children Are Hearing
by Tehilah Eisenstadt
As I walked out of Grand Central for the rally outside the UN recently, I joined the Jewish yeshiva and day school tween and teen traffic headed in the same direction. Among the somber but hopeful songs, the speakers from Jewish organizations, the NY politicians, and the Jewish clergy followed by interfaith clergy, we heard from an elder who was kidnapped and released in November. Her spouse is excruciatingly still being held by Hamas. A young adult held up her sister’s voice via the last recording her family received from her, as she was being pulled from her home by terrorists.
As someone who works in a sliver of the trauma-care world, I have learned to navigate my boundaries for reading instead of viewing or hearing these kinds of details. But this was the time and the place and the people I needed to listen to. While very little was new to me, it was a punch to my soul, to hear the living breathing truth. As a parent, as an educator, I looked around at all the beautiful young faces. How did these words land for each and every one of them? I think a lot about how we help our children process what many of them are not talking about explicitly, about the stories they’ve been hearing since October 7, about what social media and the hallways to their classrooms are saying about them, about being Jewish. In this vein I am particularly grateful for EET’s educational program with the ADL, for teens and parents, on this topic.
Here at EET I hear parents supporting their children through everything they hear and feel on college campuses. And in Religious School we continue to hear Jewish pride, joy and questions. The EET team remains steadfast in supporting our teen Junior Youth gruop and Youth Group participants along with our professional teen track of Ozrim with all that they’re navigating, as typical tweens and teens in NYC, and as tweens and teens in post-October 7 NYC.
I know some of what our children will be hearing this High Holy Day season: the sound of the shofar, family stories over delicious food, election-year chatter, along with our thoughts on what’s going on in the Middle East. I will be aching to hear more about what our children, and especially our hyper-connected teens, are hearing, and what they need to hear from us, as they hear and join our prayers for sweetness, togetherness, fixing, taking responsibility, and showing up for the change that is needed.
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September-October 2024
“The Torah of Travel: Reflections from spiritual journeys by our educators and clergy”
Part II: Chesed (Kindness) Always Wins – What I Learned This Summer in The Bubble
By Director of Congregational Learning Mindy Sherry, RJE
We live in a competitive world, and we compete for almost everything — jobs, sports, grades, getting into college. This summer, I spent some time at URJ’s Crane Lake Camp, or as we like to call it, The Bubble. Crane Lake was an independently owned sports camp until it was purchased by the UAHC (now the URJ). When Crane Lake transitioned to a URJ camp, they kept many of the traditions, including competition. To this day, campers continue to compete in tournaments with other camps. We even have the Kiddush Cup, a day-long tournament of various sports with Eisner Camp and Ramah Berkshires participating.
However, through the hard work of the camp directors, Crane Lake has maintained its traditions and culture and also worked hard to create and foster a culture of Chesed (kindness). Everything we do at camp, we do with kindness. On the first day of camp, a member of the kitchen staff dropped a large pile of plates, and you could hear the crash throughout the chadar ochel (dining room). Instead of clapping, several general counselors and campers ran over to help pick up the plates. During Mini Maccabiah (Color War), I watched older campers helping younger campers at different events and cheering for the opposite team. Crane Lake has taken the culture of Chesed to the next level. While competition is a natural part of life, Crane Lake’s emphasis on Chesed offers a powerful reminder that true success is measured not just by winning, but by the way we treat others along the way. Win or lose, the campers return from tournaments chanting “Chesed always wins,” and they know kindness should never be sacrificed. Whether it’s helping someone in need, supporting teammates, or even showing good sportsmanship to opponents, these acts of kindness create a community where everyone feels valued and supported.
As you embark on this new year, I hope you will keep in mind “Chesed ALWAYS wins” as a guiding principle. It encourages us to approach challenges with compassion and reminds us that the impact of our actions on others is just as important as the results we achieve.
Part III: Summer Travels
by Asst. Dir. of Congregational Learning Tehilah Eisenstadt
Hello East End Temple, I know we’re new to each other, so my summer learning might come as a surprise to you. My summer has been about the flip sides of the grief/joy coin. My summer began in Israel, on a fellowship for rabbinical school students. Upon my arrival at Ben Gurion airport, the scrolling signs that usually say “Feel At Home,” read “Feel Everything,” with a photograph of a bloodshot eye and a tear with the Israeli flag inside. As a former preschool director, I never expected to see tough-exterior-Israel advertising “feel all your feelings.” And who was waiting for me near those signs? Two of the most joyful elements of life, my best friend Elishe with shoko b’sakit/chocolate milk in a bag, in hand.
I learned Ugandan Kabbalat Shabbat tunes from my rabbinical student colleague as we picked (tart!) plums together. We sang as we plucked under a scorching sun, doing our best to make up for the agriculture workers missing due to fear, kidnapping, death, reserve duty or the war leaving Palestinian workers and Israeli employers divided.
At the Jerusalem Pride parade I met the army buddies of Sagi Golan. They shared the tragic and heroic story of Golan’s death on October 7. His death led to Golan’s fiancé securing gay partner’s rights to financial, medical and psychological support from the state.
During Shabbat services the family of a wounded soldier were all called up to the bimah. The soldier’s father shared words that sounded like a prepared eulogy-turned-blessing at his son’s side. There was so much hugging of the boy/man/soldier/son on crutches. The rabbi in her gentle, strong voice blessed them in their tears and joy.
There are more stories than these. When you see me feel free to ask for them. I pray that this year our learning, praying and acts of service will allow us to reap the depth of our sorrow in the heights of our dance, with tears of laughter: “Those who sow in tears, reap in joy” (Psalm 126:).
Important Upcoming Dates
Shabbat B’Yachad: Friday, September 6
5:45pm Pre-neg
6:15pm Special Welcome Back service with special guest Omri Shklar, Crane Lake Camp’s head song leader
Tot Shabbat: Fridays at 5:30pm
September 13, 20, 27; October 18
First Days of Religious School:
Tuesday, September 10 — 6th-8th grades and Teens
Wednesday, September 11 — 4th and 5th grades
Thursday, September 12 — Pre-K, Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades
High Holy Days
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur
Family Services for Rosh Hashanah (Thursday, October 3) and for Yom Kippur (Saturday, October 12) will be offered in person and online — pre-registration is required:
— Young Family Service (ages birth-5) at 9:00am
For Tots and children up to age 5, join us for a lively yet intimate service conducted in a sing-along format. Children and their parents will come together to celebrate the holidays with songs, prayers, and stories.
— Family Service (ages 6-11) at 2:00pm
A fun and engaging service geared towards families with children ages 6-11 led by Rabbi Josh Stanton and Cantor Olivia Brodsky. The experience is much like a regular service, with many of the traditional prayers as well as readings from the Torah. An excellent opportunity to allow young children to actively participate in a real High Holy Day service that is both age appropriate and very meaningful.
–Children’s Programing (ages 4-12) at 10:00am
Our kids’ programs will be in person only and will take place during the congregational morning services on both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur—snack will be provided and each child MUST have an adult who will be attending the congregational service. The children’s programs are for grades Pre-K (age 4) through 8th grade.
Sukkot
Sukkot Family Program: Sunday, October 20 from 3:00-5:00pm
Join us for pizza in the hut and other fun fall activities!
Simchat Torah
Friday, October 25 with Shabbat services
5:45 Pre-neg snack
6:15pm Service, unrolling the Torah, and dancing with the scrolls